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Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton

  • James Burr
  • Jul 23
  • 4 min read
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Overview

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In is a cornerstone text in the field of negotiation, widely adopted by mediators, diplomats, executives, and everyday professionals navigating conflict. Written by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton—pioneers at the Harvard Negotiation Project—the book introduces a structured, principled method for negotiation that moves away from adversarial standoffs and toward collaborative resolution.


Having studied the work of several leading experts in behavioural communication and conflict—including body language specialist Vanessa Van Edwards—this book stood out to me as a powerful intellectual framework for the emotional and practical challenges that underpin human disagreement. It is particularly relevant for mediators working in relationship, workplace, and community settings, where emotional stakes and long-term dynamics are just as critical as the immediate issues on the table.


Key Concept: From Positions to Interests

The core thrust of the book is a call to shift from positional negotiation—where parties dig in, defend their demands, and treat negotiation as a tug-of-war—to interest-based negotiation, where parties collaboratively explore why they want what they want.

Instead of negotiating over fixed positions (“I need X,” “You can only have Y”), we ask: “What is motivating this demand? What are the underlying needs, values, constraints, or fears?”

By understanding why someone is holding a particular position—whether it stems from financial limitations, emotional experiences, cultural values, or moral standpoints—we are far better equipped to generate solutions that work for everyone.


The Four Pillars of Principled Negotiation

The authors outline four guiding principles for interest-based negotiation that any mediator, manager, or partner can use to navigate complex or emotionally charged situations.

1. Separate the People from the Problem

People problems—emotions, misperceptions, communication breakdowns—can derail negotiation more than the issue itself.

This principle reminds us to deal with the relationship issues (like tone, history, trust) separately from the substance of the disagreement. It’s about preserving respect while still addressing what needs to be solved.

In mediation, this can mean reframing a tense moment by acknowledging feelings (“It sounds like you’re really frustrated”) before shifting back to task-based problem-solving.


2. Focus on Interests, Not Positions

Positions are what people say they want. Interests are the real reasons behind those wants.

Helping parties articulate their true interests opens up far more room for agreement. For instance, someone demanding a specific work-from-home schedule may actually be seeking autonomy, balance, or trust. Recognising this gives us more ways to meet the need—even if the original demand can’t be met in full.


3. Invent Options for Mutual Gain

The best agreements often come not from compromise, but from creative thinking.

Here, the authors encourage a brainstorming mindset: suspend judgment, list ideas together, and expand the range of options before choosing. In mediation, this principle reinforces the value of co-creating outcomes that both sides can feel ownership over.


4. Insist on Using Objective Criteria

When possible, turn subjective "wants" into objective standards—industry benchmarks, market value, legal precedent, or expert opinion.

This depersonalises the negotiation and helps keep it fair. Instead of one person “winning” over another, both sides work together to meet a shared standard.


Bonus Concept: Understanding BATNA

A fifth crucial takeaway from the book is the concept of BATNA—your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.

BATNA is your fallback. It’s what you’ll do if no agreement is reached.

Understanding your BATNA is empowering. If your alternative is weak, it may motivate you to compromise more. But if your BATNA is strong, you can walk away confidently, knowing you don’t need to accept an unfavourable deal.

As a mediator, I often guide clients through exploring their BATNA—not to encourage walking away, but to reduce fear and increase clarity. When people know they have options, they negotiate more thoughtfully and less defensively.


Humanising the Process: Negotiating with Empathy

One of the most profound messages of the book is that behind every demand, email, disagreement, or contract is a human being—with feelings, fears, values, and lived experience.

Too often, we respond to the content of a conversation while ignoring the context of the person delivering it. But true resolution comes not from hammering out terms, but from understanding the person behind the position.

“To best deal with the interactions we’re presented in life, we must learn to understand and work with the people behind them—not just the issues at hand.”

This is where empathy, emotional intelligence, and the principles of negotiation converge. When we shift from fighting against someone to working alongside them, we turn a disagreement into a shared challenge.


Why This Matters for Mediators

For anyone in the field of mediation—especially in relationships, community tensions, or workplace disputes—the lessons in Getting to Yes are foundational:

  • You don’t have to “win” for the other person to “lose.”

  • Solutions don’t have to come from the top down—they can be co-designed.

  • Understanding someone’s “why” makes it far easier to influence their “how.”

  • Emotions are not the enemy of logic—they are information that needs to be acknowledged and integrated.


By taking people with you, not against you, in the resolution process, you create far more engagement, alignment, and support for whatever solution is ultimately reached.


Final Thoughts

Getting to Yes is more than just a book on negotiation—it’s a mindset shift. It challenges the zero-sum approach to conflict and instead invites us to become bridge-builders, capable of navigating difficult conversations with curiosity, creativity, and compassion.

For mediators, it is essential reading. For everyone else, it’s a life skill manual in disguise.


Author: James Burr

Professional Mediator | Founder, The Mediators

Helping people talk, listen, and move forward—together.




 
 
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